In my shell, I lay silent, striving to make even my heartbeat faint. But I must come out sometimes. When I do, it’s claws first. My eyes blink rapidly in the sudden brightness, and my arms tremble. The world does not understand my kind. My world is filled with people chatting happily away, never knowing how much I need to hide away in my shell. When I see the funny guy across the way, my heart seizes up. My eyes dart this way and that, searching desperately for a way to change my route so I don’t have to walk past him and laugh at his jokes.
When I finally get a glimpse of a life I think I want, it’s out of reach. I hate myself for making it so impossible to attain. The first step would be easy, invited even. But I think ahead; the next ten million steps would be torturous and unsafe. The people around me are all crabs. But I have invested so much in them. Can I really crawl out of this shell? Self-doubt consumes me. I don't know what I want.
I draw deep within my shell. I have to think about this.
